Give Her Grace

She's the spitting image of her daddy, but she's so much like me. She's strong-willed, spirited and sassy to say the least. 

Her dirty blonde curls and deep blue eyes have my heart, but sometimes... she's difficult. She's so much like me. 

"Give her grace."... my heart whispers. 

It began yesterday morning during breakfast. A simple request from me was met with a not-so-inclined-to-obey attitude from her. I could see it... that rebellious spirit welling up inside her heart. 

I left for work and left her with her great-grandmother. 

Returning home, I was greeted with the same little rebellious spirit I'd left just a few hours before. 

"Give her grace"... my heart whispered. 

Dance class was no exception. 

My Ada marches to her own drum and apparently dances to her own music as well. 

"She's the only one not participating. She's being the most difficult one! She's that kid... so that makes me that mom!"... my head screamed.

"Give her grace"... my heart whispered. 

Once we'd returned home from dance class, things just got worse. My two-and-a-half year old looked me in the eye and told me to "Leave her alone!" when I'd corrected her for her disobedient behavior.

Excuse me?... I thought. 

Is she two-and-a-half or twelve?

Everything in me wanted to explode. How disrespectful.

"Give her grace"... my heart whispered. 

Only by the grace of God was I able to collect myself enough to discipline her out of love and not anger; but unfortunately, we went through this many times before bedtime finally came.

She went to bed early... a consequence of the terrible attitude she'd had most of the day. Once she was asleep, I took some time to reflect on the day. Part of me wanted to stay frustrated.

Frustrated at her. Frustrated at myself. Frustrated at the way our day had gone. 

Why would she disrespect me so? Have I not shown her how much I love her? If so, why doesn't she obey me in response to that?

Then I was reminded of the reason why my heart had been whispering "Give her grace." all day long. 

"For from His fullness we have all received, grace upon grace." John 1:16

He gives me grace. 

When I disrespect Him. When I belittle His sacrifice by falling back into the patterns of sin that I don't have to fall back into because of Him.

"But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed,  and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness." Romans 8:17-18

When I claim to "love Him", but do not obey His commandments, even though He says if I love Him I would obey.... 

"If you love me, you will keep my commandments." John 14:15

He gives me grace. 

"Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God." Romans 5:2

It's so easy for me as a "first time parent" to get caught up in the way my child "behaves". Most of the time I focus too much on her behavior and not on her heart.

Yesterday was a sober reminder that I cannot save the soul of my daughter. 

She's a rebel. I can set boundaries, rules and expectations for her - follow through with consequences - train her to be a "good" person, but ultimately, I'm just creating a false gospel for her to cling to. 

Instead, I need to expose her heart - show her the root of her sin... her need for a Savior. I need to beg God to begin, even now, drawing my Ada to Himself... turning her rebellious heart into a heart that is in love with her Savior... a heart that chases after Him with reckless abandon. 

At the end of the day, I need to give her grace. 

She's so much like me. I was a rebel on a course of self-distruction until He breathed life into my dry bones. 

One day, I pray, this strong-willed, spirited and sassy little girl is able to look back and remind her twenty-five year old self where she used to be, and that if she has little ones, she will be gently reminded to.... give them grace.